wishfulaces: (Default)
I would just like to state that, now being the proud owner of a six-foot bear (the boy is smugly satisfied about his Valentine's present), I want to spend all my time curled up with it, reading.

For the record, the six-foot stuffed bear has a red bow tie (because bow ties are cool) and is named Sir Winston Leonard Spencer ChurchBear, because he needed to have an appropriately distinguished name to go with his bow tie. (That said, I call him Winnie more often than not.)

Hi, again. I can't seem to get back on the LJ wagon, let alone the fic-writing wagon. And my fannishness these days mostly consists of rewatching previous seasons of Castle and trying to get through the bleakness that is the first half of the third season of Farscape because I know things will get better! I know they will! It won't be all death and gloom! I think I spend so much time writing really complicated emails and other documentation at work, these days, that when I get home I can't face writing anymore.

Sigh. I think it's time for me to get back to reading. With the bear.
wishfulaces: (jeremy)
I'm supposed to be in a reflective mood this time of year, or something, I think, but I've been too busy. I think that sums up this year for me--I've been too busy to really think, and reflect. Maybe that's true every year, and I reflect and think more than I realize, in the in-between times: scraping out five minutes here in an airport lounge, two minutes there in the shower, ten minutes in the car on the drive between my usual cities. Maybe.

It's been a challenging year for me--challenging in the best sense of the word. I've traveled too much, I've been frustrated and disappointed at work, I'm still learning to live with another person in my life, I had surgery for the first time in my life, I've written the least amount of fic since, er, I started writing fic. Through all of it, through all of this year, the key, the theme, the important point all along--I realize more and more at the end of this year, so maybe I have had time to reflect after all--is communicating. Figuring out how the devil to communicate effectively with myself and other people should probably be my new year's resolution every year.

I'm learning. I'm still learning. That is what makes this a good year, a challenging year. I have learned so much, I have filed away so much experience and information that I will be able to continue to use in the coming years. This is how I can become the person I already am, the person I want to be.

I've gotten better at saying no when I'm overwhelmed. I've gotten better at vocalizing hurts and coming up with new ways to express ideas when the old and tried ways don't work. I'm still too ridiculously busy, and I still find myself yelling for no reason when I'm by myself (because the real, underlying reason hasn't been examined yet), but I'm getting better.

We had snow here today, so instead of holding a game night with a big group of friends, instead of going out partying at the bars, I'm hunkered down at home in my pjs, planning to cook dinner and play my new Doctor Who Monopoly game with my boyfriend who still hasn't bloody seen the show. And honestly, that seems like the best way to spend tonight.

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2013 bring good friends and good experiences.
wishfulaces: (Default)
OMG life. No, seriously, I don't even know where the hell all my time is going, other than to work and making presents for people and wrapping other presents for people and packing for trips and preparing to MOVE early next year OMG and dancing lessons and writing Christmas cards and doing choir board stuff (oh crap need to write more thank-you letters for donations, mustn't forget to do that before I head out this weekend) and just trying to keep my head above water.

I wasn't this busy two years ago. I know I was not this busy two years ago. Right?

I'm sorry I'm never around anymore. I miss conversations and connecting with people through my little black box. I miss writing fic. I miss goofing off online and reading fic and--stuff. I miss my invisible friends.

I've still got one more present to finish making and probably another card or two to write, preferably tonight. After I eat dinner, since I sort of forgot to do that earlier in the midst of packing and CULLING CLOTHES omg I have too many clothes.
wishfulaces: (all the world's a stage)
1. I have a new laptop. It just arrived in the mail today. This is the first new piece of tech I've gotten--bar my Kindle (which is now ancient) and a crappy cell phone that was supposed to be temporary when I got it two (three?) years ago--since the laptop I got as a gift when I graduated from grad school in 2006. HOLY HELL I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP. I will be properly mobile again! (My current laptop, on which I'm writing this since I haven't even opened the other one yet, is now essentially a desktop. I have it tied to an external monitor as the backlight has died on the actual monitor.)

ii. I am struggling about whether to do Yuletide this year or not. I've barely written any fic this year, I don't see me having much time for source reviewing and writing in the next couple months, I'm trying to de-stress my life and that would possibly be stressful, nobody other than me will really care either way whether I do Yuletide or not...but it's Yuletide, dammit!

c. There is no third point, but what's the use of a list with only two things on it? Hell, I'm starving, I need to wander away and find dinner with the boy.

Vier. Actually, I lie; yesterday I snapped at my boss. This is the only time in my life that I have snapped at my boss. (I once rolled my eyes and interrupted a boss, but I was in the middle of a crisis at the time and she wasn't being helpful.) I backpedaled furiously, he left my cubicle amicably, but sweet jesus on a pogo stick that was a terrifying moment or three. My co-worker who overheard the conversation assures me she would have jumped in to rescue me had she needed to; we mutually agreed to make large STOP signs and put them on yard sticks to hold up over cubicle walls, just in case one or the other of us goes too far.

(Today was a much, much better day. Friday! Pay day! I shall goof off at work and not feel guilty! Etc etc etc.)
wishfulaces: (shirtsleeves)
So, being gone all weekend to various places, I came home at 10:30 Sunday night to discover it was below 60 Fahrenheit in my house.

Whoops.

I think I need to spend more weekends here. Or just move and be done with it. Blah.

I have also spent the majority of this week feeling physically like crap. I can't even define it, just--crap. I haven't bothered going to the doctor's office, though, so I probably have no right to complain. I just sit and look doleful, and my co-workers tell me to go home. They're probably right. (I have no choice tomorrow, it's a move-move-move day, so if going to bed at 9:30 tonight and getting up at 7 tomorrow morning doesn't do it, I'm screwed.)

On a happier note, Let's talk about Castle )
wishfulaces: (sundays)
This is the first day in longer than I care to think about in which I have not ridden in or driven a car and stayed absolutely at home. I took a walk to the grocery store, I did in fact sit out on my back patio and read a while, as well as getting some tidying done (not as much with the cleaning, though after I sweep & mop my kitchen will be the most beautiful it's been in weeks), and it's nice to have days like this sometimes. If only I were writing something right now, it'd be perfect.

And I just spent the past 90 minutes cooking, which was fabulous. I forget how much I enjoy mixing and chopping and stirring things when I don't get to do them for long stretches, or have to do them when I'm in a rush because I have to be somewhere else. I think I need to make this a goal for more weekends: COOK. BAKE.

(It helps that it's finally the right time of year again. Oh, autumn, keep being awesome with your slanted sunlight and cooler days and pumpkins. No, really, it's all about the pumpkin this time of year.)
wishfulaces: (some kind of way out of here)
I would like the record to show that wasabi peas can, in fact, go bad. Y'know. After a year of sitting around in my one's kitchen.

OMG I used to think I couldn't get worse at updating my LJ, and then I have. I am woeful at fandom (though I thank one and all for reccing fic, particularly random Avengers fic, because it is often light and fun enough for reading just before bed); work is...full of issues right now, and I honestly don't know when they'll be resolved, but suddenly in the past couple months I have found myself more willing to divorce myself and think about other job possibilities again; and, hey, I'm going to Europe the day after tomorrow. Mostly Prague and Budapest.

I've reached a point, in the past few weeks and months, where I've realized I need to simplify my life a little. I need to choose better where I place my energies and focus more on the positive. I'm trying to communicate more, and more productively. And my career is not my entire identity, and in fact never has been.

It's all a process, right?

My Facebook status tomorrow is totally going to read, "Cannot cope; off to Europe." Because I can.
wishfulaces: (alas poor yorick)
Via [livejournal.com profile] settai: Richard Dawson has died. :(

I totally had a crush on Newkirk when I was in high school.
wishfulaces: (sock it to me)
Three day weekend! In which I am NOT traveling! (Except locally, probably, because I CAN'T STOP MYSELF apparently.)

My plans for the weekend:

--grocery store for foods to cook, though probably not this weekend because I need to be lazy, dammit (Okay, I lied, I cooked tonight, I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF)
--do a bit of house cleaning
--hand-wash some bras
--go to a friend's wedding

--FINISH THE DAMN FIC I OWE PEOPLE, that ud be awfully nice of me
--celebrate boy's bday and distract him as thoroughly as possible from stressful things
--sleeeeeeeeeeeep in (I woke up at 7:30 this morning, stared at my watch blearily and said to myself, "what is this nonsense?" before wandering back into bed to sleep till 10)
--watch Fred Astaire dance
--walk around the neighborhood a lot
--hopefully get to cemeteries to visit dead ancestors

I think I can reasonably do these things. I'm trying to make my list of things to get done more reasonable these days. I want to be happy, not stressed.

Right, I should go do one of these things now.
wishfulaces: (alas poor yorick)
I offer these two items in conjunction with each other, from the same city:

Kansas governor signs act allowing pharmacists to refuse to dispense abortion drugs

Nine-year-old protests Westboro Baptist protesters

I have no commentary to offer.

*

I had an insane schedule for a while there that involved being somewhere every single night after work and then again during the weekends, and now, even though I am done with that schedule at least until the fall (and am reminding myself I AM NOT ALLOWED THAT SCHEDULE EVER AGAIN), I am still stressed out and tired and cranky. So stressed out and tired and cranky. Hopefully I just need more time to recover. Maybe I need to take up a calming hobby. Like sleeping more, that would be good.
wishfulaces: (music)
Tonight I saw the Yamato drummers of Japan and they were kickass. The choreography, the theatricality of the show, the backdrops and use of screens and lighting--seriously, the lighting, all these rich reds and oranges of sunrise or sunset and cold blues of twilight and night, and the transitions between were really well orchestrated--and, of course, the drumming itself was brilliant. Talk about fine muscle control, and I think the rhythms are still thrumming through me (I can't imagine how the drummers feel still, an hour or two after the show is over). One guy had John Shepard hair, which was surprising and a little distracting, and he happened to be the main goofball who happened to have a partner in crime that was not at all like Rodney McKay. Actually, John Shepard!hair helped me realize what some of the movements with the drum sticks were strongly reminding me of, why they felt so familiar--Teyla's stick fighting moves. (And speaking of hair, I totally developed an instant girl!crush on one of the drummers, all because of her fabulous, fabulous hair.)

*

Hey, look! [livejournal.com profile] lunate8 has podficced "Life in the 21st Century" - check it out!. I've never had anybody want to podfic the same story twice before, this is really cool. Actually, the response generally to this fic has been wicked and cool. Oh, Hardison, how you so awesome?

*

Okay, I'm getting up stupidly early for a weekend in order to go to a pub crawl for cancer with a bunch of people I don't know. This could either go fantastically or be one of the bigger mistakes of my life. Whoopee?
wishfulaces: (emerson says what)
I am tired! and cranky! and tired! and sick! and stressed out! and cranky! and did I mention tired!? And I griped at my mom all afternoon and evening, and she bought me a beautiful blown glass paperweight just because as a surprise from an art glass gallery I pointed out to her yesterday as we drove past, telling her I really needed to get in there sometime, and, just, yeah. I think I could have done today over and made it better.

Everything will be fine. And, in the grand scheme of things, the things stressing me out right now will have faded away by next week. Mostly.

I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
wishfulaces: (blessed)
I've been good about reading my flist, if not posting or, probably, writing many comments--life is terribly insane right now, and only about to get more insane. For which I am grateful, honestly, because the more awesome times I have, the more distracted-but-centered I will become. (Hopefully. Theoretically.)

Also, my mom's in town next week, which, really, who needs more than that? (Of course, she drives into town on Sunday. I'm not back until Monday night. Oy vey.)

And now I'm about to disappear into the ether--or the sky--again, so...I don't really know why I'm posting this. Other than to say--hi?
wishfulaces: (growf)
I appear incapable of sustaining a good mood for more than a day or two at a time right now, and then only under unusual circumstances, and today has been--well. It's been a day in which, were I not stuck inside my own head and body, I would have vacated the premises with alacrity.

So let's have some music.
April, Come She Will, Simon & Garfunkel, because this song never fails to give me some sort of sense of peace, and I just discovered the S&G station on Sirius and am in consequence in some kind of 1960s folk heaven.

House of the Rising Sun, the Be Good Tanyas, because who doesn't love another cover of another old, old song? Also, I appear to be developing a relationship with New Orleans. I...think I like that, actually.

That's How You Know, Lori McKenna. This is off her latest album that just came out--last month? Or January?--and I heard it six months ago in a little Unitarian church and cried because it was right after the death of my Uncle Richard, and, well, yeah.

The Parting Glass, Wailin' Jennys. I sort of think I want this played at my funeral. (Um. I really don't take time planning my funeral, I promise. But it's been that kind of day.)

The Party's Over, Nat King Cole, because there is comfort in Nat's voice, despite the sentiment of the song.

*

And for the sake of completeness, I posted a philosopher and a vagabond to AO3 last night. A crossover fic involving Hannibal Sefton from the Benjamin January novels by Barbara Hambly and Julian Kestrel from the novels by Kate Ross. Because these two musicians really needed to have a chance to pass each other like two ships in the night.

*

Tomorrow will be better. I'll make sure of it.
wishfulaces: (some kind of way out of here)
I think my utterly shit mood for the past month or so can be summed up this way:

1. Work sucks.
2. Friends suck.
3. Social life generally sucks.
4. Weather both sucks and blows.
5. I am a whiny crybaby who needs to get over herself and her entitlement issues pronto.

Rinse, repeat ad nauseum.

Next weekend I go to New Orleans. If I do not see strange and wonderful things, get tipsy, go around wearing a t-shirt, and have a blast, I will be very, very, very disappointed in myself. (Actually, I'm mostly terrified it won't happen because the airlines fuck me over. I fully expect the airlines to fuck me over on this because I jinxed myself very specifically for this trip. GOOD TIMES.)

I am now going to flounce off in a sulk and watch "Prometheus Unbound" for the sheer pleasure of Vala and Daniel beating each other up.
wishfulaces: (Guildenstern)
I finally bought kitty litter & a small trowel with extendable handle today to shove into my car trunk. Trowel because they were out of shovels and I was in too much of a hurry to try another store. And I know I have no right to complain when some of you are quite literally buried under snow, but I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS WINTER.

I had an awesome weekend, though, that mostly consisted of hanging out, eating, drinking, playing games, and wandering new places with friends from college. I really do need to do that more often. (hey, idiot, YOU LIKE PEOPLE! Note to self. You are not a total loner.)

Now I must find food, since I am going to a music concert tonight, even if it is drizzling ice out there. I have paid my money, I am going to the concert! So there! If they're not canceling, neither am I! Oh gods.
wishfulaces: (some kind of way out of here)
OMG! They're changing the zodiac! This is mostly funny because my co-workers and I spent 5 minutes this morning having identity crises. As you do on a Friday morning...

Speaking of work, I'm discovering it's incredibly hard to do in 8 hours a week what I used to do in 40. (Surprise!) It radically shifts my priorities for my time, and I feel like nothing is getting done. I know that's not true; it's just taking weeks instead of days. And I keep getting mental whiplash from switching from the grant project to my other duties. Woo.

*

The walls in my townhouse are usually pretty good at not allowing sound to filter through from the neighbors. (At least, I don't usually hear things. Hopefully they aren't subjected to my occasional swearing matches with the computer or life...) But one of my neighbors has a baby, and I swear every time s/he cries, it's channeled directly into my ear if I don't have some noise of my own going.

*

THREE DAY WEEKEND. Last one until May. I plan to sleep, bake, sleep, watch telly, and sleep. After I go out tonight. This is a brilliant plan and I see no drawbacks.
wishfulaces: (federal agents)
Tomorrow, after work--which is probably going to be crazy-mad-busy anyway, because I'm trying to export a thousand MARC records (I'm not even exaggerating for once, though that is an ongoing project) and deal with politicians' records because everybody's office is changing over in January and large manuscript donations are coming in...sometime, we don't exactly know when, and I've got to enroll in new health insurance--tomorrow, after all that, I still have to make myself dinner, bake dad an applesauce cake, clean all my accumulating piles of dishes, and figure out my monies because I'm closing out one retirement account and have to figure out if I want to a) put it in another company-based retirement account, b) put it in an traditional IRA, or c) put it in a Roth IRA, and while I'm leaning toward the Roth, I still need to reread stuff about the differences and the pros and cons and, argh, money, financial future, retirement, blah, etc. It's not really a large amount of money--though it's bigger than I expected--but it's still potentially taxable income, and I have been screwed enough over taxes often enough in the past.

You know, you would think after writing about topics such as that, I would feel more like an adult and less like the perpetual intern. And yet? I still can't believe anybody trusts me to do anything.
wishfulaces: (hobbit hands)
Since yesterday afternoon, leaving work an hour early, I have

--gotten a fabulous haircut
--painted my fingernails
--watched a bunch of catch-up telly
--written a rough draft for one fic (OMG you guys, your prompts are awesome, by the by, and it is so gleeful to be writing fic again for the first time in, um, some months)
--slept for ten hours
--made pancakes with blueberry sauce for breakfast (someday, I shall learn that I mostly fail at making blueberry sauce; it's a great disappointment to me)
--listened to crazy happy dancy music (it's hard to dance around a wooden spoon while stirring blueberry sauce, let me tell you, and yet I try to do to it every time)
--caught up on LJ while drinking CHAI

Still to do today, I have to

--bake a carrot cake
--mainline more telly in order to write more fic
--write more fic
--read more fic written by others, yay
--record lines in a gleefully crap German accent (it makes a change from a gleefully crap English accent?)
--take a BATH
--and do other fun, non-work-related, non-boring-life related things.
--oh, and wash dishes. Because washing dishes is perpetual.

I am totally digging so far four days of not going anywhere outside the boundaries of this county. I might be missing a ten-year high school reunion, I might have accidentally disappointed my aunt by not coming to her Thanksgiving (I warned her!), I might have disappointed a friend by not driving to Colorado to see her, I might have turned down an invitation to join a co-worker's and friend's Thanksgiving (at which I would have to be right about now, rather than lounging about in my sweats drinking CHAI), I might not be having turkey and pumpkin pie today, but I am thankful, oh so very thankful, for the time to decompress and be alone and catch up with myself.

I'm thankful for family and friends too, and I'm thankful that I'm taking this weekend to be alone because I've been traveling about and running around visiting with many of them for the past few months, and I'm thankful that I've had the opportunity to do all the traveling and running about.

so Happy Turkey Day, Americans, and happy Thursday, everyone else on my flist, and quite massive bear hugs to you all.
wishfulaces: (beckett)
First, there is this:
Craig Ferguson and a Dalek. (I would embed, but I'm in a hurry.) Oh, Craig Ferguson. Helping to make my geekiness even more mainstream in the U.S.

Secondly, there is this:
Home, by the group Glasser. I know nothing about them, I've listened to 30-second clips of some other songs but have not yet decided to buy, but this song? This song hits some deep and primal happy spot in me.

And that's all. I have to run out to go see Morning Glory with some friends--they're going because one of the actors is our co-worker's sister, I'm going because...well, because, mostly. It's like I'm trying to have a social life or something.

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