wishfulaces: (jeremy)
The Official: Embrace the horror, you work for the state now.

That line means *so* much more to me now than it did 15 years ago.

I decided a rewatch of Invisible Man was in order. It's making me happy.

Also, 64 DAYS TILL WEDDING OH SHIT BEARS. Other people apparently get joy out of these countdowns. I take a kind of masochistic glee out of checking on that number. I think I would rather invite all of you than half my family to come to the party. No, that's a lie, I think I'd just like to have two parties, one with family and one with all of you. My family's had a lot of funerals lately, they need to have a happy reason to come together and celebrate. But dammit, I would totally dig a geeky party of happiness. (Maybe we *will* figure out how to have ourselves a TARDIS wedding cake. MAYBE.)
wishfulaces: (Default)
So last month my mom and I, randomly, wrote a fairy tale. Via texts. Y'know, a sentence or two at a time, back and forth.

I cleaned it up a bit for typos, auto correct shenanigans, and my mom's inability to find the quotes on her phone )

My Auntie Ethel died yesterday. This grief is strange to me--she's been fading away for years now, mentally, to the point the past few times I've seen her I'm not always sure she remembers who I am, only that she knows and likes me; my mom today said she's been missing her sister for years, and it's true. (We used to have such conversations--she was the best aunt for a precocious pre-teen, who would sit and listen and engage; I could still talk to her about what I was studying up until grad school.) And after the wrench that was my dad last year, after the pain and duty that came after his passing, this is...strangely light. I can grieve without having to worry about who will look after mom and how the hell do I administer an estate and who will take care of the cat. I can just be sad.
wishfulaces: (blessed)
This evening, mourning over the new shitty turn my career has taken and wondering what I could do instead, after drinking a delicious and slightly alcoholic minty Oreo shake:

"I could open a bakery. Make blueberry muffins all day long. ...that's a shitty business plan. No! All you get are blueberry muffins! If you want anything else, go somewhere else. No chocolate muffins for you!"

For some reason, this was hysterical to me. It might have been the delicious and slightly alcoholic minty Oreo shake talking.

Later this same evening, taking the masking tape to the couch to remove all the orange fur from the cat:

"Honey, you are a sheddy, sheddy cat."

The boy said we're lucky to have each other.
wishfulaces: (squee!)
See now, if the cat would just lie down next to me on the couch all the time, we'd both be far happier. (I don't think she agrees with me, I think she insists she's happiest lying in my lap with me constantly scritching her ears, but my allergies and my laptop do not agree with her.)

The cat is lying down next to me on the couch right now, you see, calmly and purringly, and that just does not happen very often.

So this past weekend visiting my mom she mentioned, once again, the Aunt Dimity books by Nancy Atherton. And these are mystery books I have not read before, and I'm in the mood for trying something new, so I pick up a couple on Kindle and apparently am probably going to have to pick up the rest because I kinda adore Lori and Bill and Dimity and all the other characters. The writing style is immediately engaging too. (Also, there are recipes at the end of all the books. Any book that involves baking is AOK in my, er, book.)

And Lori got divorced a year ago and lost her mom recently and is having a really crappy time of it and comes out alright in the end, and, okay, I'm weeping on the plane reading this book, you know? Because it's about grief and love and learning to live with loss and it's really hitting home for me. It doesn't help that I was also reading ceremony scripts our officiant gave us to peruse and weeping at all the sappy love bits. I'm sure every other passenger on that flight near my seat wondered what the hell was wrong with me. I've already told a friend she has to pinch me if I start weeping at my own wedding.

In other news, they got me onto the new network system yesterday, which meant I spent the entire day at work today IMing one of our IT gurus, going "C, this is broken now. C, do you happen to have that password because I totally never bothered to save it myself? C, I can't even *find* this software on my laptop now!" It's okay, he got a lot of M&Ms out of hanging out in my office with me half the day.
wishfulaces: (Default)
Yesterday being the boy's birthday, a big group of us of course had to see the movie last night.

and here be spoilers, along with a revisiting of geeky stereotyping )

Okay, I have friends coming next weekend, I slept far too late, I need to get some housecleaning done and buy some groceries. Wah.
wishfulaces: (jeremy)
I'm supposed to be in a reflective mood this time of year, or something, I think, but I've been too busy. I think that sums up this year for me--I've been too busy to really think, and reflect. Maybe that's true every year, and I reflect and think more than I realize, in the in-between times: scraping out five minutes here in an airport lounge, two minutes there in the shower, ten minutes in the car on the drive between my usual cities. Maybe.

It's been a challenging year for me--challenging in the best sense of the word. I've traveled too much, I've been frustrated and disappointed at work, I'm still learning to live with another person in my life, I had surgery for the first time in my life, I've written the least amount of fic since, er, I started writing fic. Through all of it, through all of this year, the key, the theme, the important point all along--I realize more and more at the end of this year, so maybe I have had time to reflect after all--is communicating. Figuring out how the devil to communicate effectively with myself and other people should probably be my new year's resolution every year.

I'm learning. I'm still learning. That is what makes this a good year, a challenging year. I have learned so much, I have filed away so much experience and information that I will be able to continue to use in the coming years. This is how I can become the person I already am, the person I want to be.

I've gotten better at saying no when I'm overwhelmed. I've gotten better at vocalizing hurts and coming up with new ways to express ideas when the old and tried ways don't work. I'm still too ridiculously busy, and I still find myself yelling for no reason when I'm by myself (because the real, underlying reason hasn't been examined yet), but I'm getting better.

We had snow here today, so instead of holding a game night with a big group of friends, instead of going out partying at the bars, I'm hunkered down at home in my pjs, planning to cook dinner and play my new Doctor Who Monopoly game with my boyfriend who still hasn't bloody seen the show. And honestly, that seems like the best way to spend tonight.

Happy New Year, everyone. May 2013 bring good friends and good experiences.
wishfulaces: (Default)
Do your co-workers sneak-gift and card you? I mean, they wait until the exact moment you leave your cubicle/office and sneak in to drop off a card and/or gift?

Seriously, my co-workers are ninja gifters. I left to get some nummy cinnamon-pretzel sticks from the food table or to pick something up at the printer--FIVE SECONDS--and my supervisor dropped off a card in the meantime, with no sign that he'd ever been remotely near my cubicle. It's both charming and disturbing.

So is it just a quirk of my admittedly quirky office, or is this common? (I'm totally going into work early to drop stuff off at people's offices before they come in tomorrow. I'll out-ninja them all, haha!)
wishfulaces: (rory)
I'm in this little singing group, of six women with a female accompanist, and I'm the youngest by almost 15 years, and sometimes the ladies drive me batty with their chattiness when I want to get down to business and sing, and sometimes the ladies piss me off something fierce when they start going conservative Christian on me (where I live, it's sadly par for the course, and I keep telling myself just by living here I subvert the norm), but when they focus, when we're singing...it's beautiful. We sound really wonderful together, especially when harmonizing.

And I'm a total switch hitter in this group, jumping around between first and second soprano and first alto, and I'm used to doing the harmonizing. I enjoy harmonizing, when I do it right, I enjoy hearing myself help complete a chord. I'm not used to singing the melody in the first soprano line, but I do on a couple songs we're rehearsing right now, and--suddenly I get it. Hearing my voice rise above the crowd, and hitting the notes sweet and true, holding the harmonies together with my melody--it's fantastic.

Or maybe it's just my control freakiness taking over another aspect of my life. Whatever, I'm enjoying it.
wishfulaces: (ot3!)
So the week of Vividcon in Chicago, I'm in San Diego (y'know, weeks after ComicCon). Life, eh?

But I'm here for a conference, and considering I've been cramming for a workshop I'm taking tomorrow I am entirely justified in taking Tuesday off to sightsee and hang out and learn my way around this city. I've walked a little bit of the area around my hotel and will definitely need to do more, but on a day when I've not been up since oh god-thirty and gotten more than five hours sleep and aren't shaking from too much travel.

(September. I'm holding out for September, the month in which I will NOT get on a plane and NOT go to a city further than 90 minutes away by car. That is my plan for September and probably October. It sounds glorious right now, which is an indication that I have done way, way too much traveling this spring & summer.)

But doing my readings for tomorrow's workshop, it reminded me how I secretly kinda maybe want to do forensic science instead of this public history gig. (You would be surprised how much of the theory crosses over, really, starting with chain of custody and ending with authenticity and trust.)

Also, I want to talk about this book on bisexuality I just finished reading. )

Um, I didn't quite expect to write that tonight. Oops? But hey, I got my reading done for tomorrow, I know where I'm going tomorrow morning, and I've had dinner and a shower. Life is good.
wishfulaces: (CHOCOLATE)
Okay, here's the thing: I really enjoy baking. I enjoy cooking, but I think I get a little extra edge of satisfaction out of baking.

There's the fact that most things I bake last longer than most things I cook (I've got two loaves of a ridiculously healthy quickbread baking right now), so the satisfaction lasts longer. Both can involve about the same amount of work, with chopping and dicing and mashing and scraping and stirring; and both can involve about the same amount of mess (maaaaybe more on the baking side if I'm breaking out the electric mixer). There's a certain soothing quality to both, to standing around prepping things and waiting for them to cook (though it seems like cooking involves more periods of frantic bursts of activity, things needing to be added and stirred constantly and the rest).

But I think I enjoy baking a little more because I used to help my mom bake a lot more than I used to help her cook, and I still occasionally have to call her up and say "Can I do this?" or "What can I substitute for that?" It's one of my favorite things about going home at the holidays, knowing I'll get to bake while my mom supervises from the other side of the kitchen table. Or just sits and chats.
wishfulaces: (travel curse)
I was traveling for 30 solid hours between Monday/Tuesday, and on the long flight from Frankfurt to Germany [ETA: CHICAGO, omg, I was still really jetlagged yesterday, okay?] I watched three movies, all of which made me cry. While in the aisle seat to boot. Yeah. The movies were The Vow, The Descendents, and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yes, that's right, Breakfast at Tiffany's made me cry. It was my first time seeing it, and I sort of instantly fell in love with the movie and a young George Peppard and have great plans to read the book at some point. (Mickey Rooney as a Japanese man was a seriously jarring note, as was Paul's insistence that Holly belonged to him because he loved her, but otherwise the movie was ridiculously charming.)

If you must know, it was the cat in the rain that made me cry. DON'T THROW THE CAT OUT IN THE RAIN.

I'm still battling exhaustion and probably jetlag, though I'm mostly refusing to admit that. There was a point when I broke down in O'Hare because they were going to delay my flight by 4.5 hours, meaning I wouldn't land until 4 a.m. and get home before five, but thankfully that didn't *quite* happen. I was home by 3 a.m. instead.

But I have a bottle of Hungarian wine and a couple Bohemian glasses, and eventually I'll catch up on sleep. Probably.
wishfulaces: (some kind of way out of here)
I would like the record to show that wasabi peas can, in fact, go bad. Y'know. After a year of sitting around in my one's kitchen.

OMG I used to think I couldn't get worse at updating my LJ, and then I have. I am woeful at fandom (though I thank one and all for reccing fic, particularly random Avengers fic, because it is often light and fun enough for reading just before bed); work is...full of issues right now, and I honestly don't know when they'll be resolved, but suddenly in the past couple months I have found myself more willing to divorce myself and think about other job possibilities again; and, hey, I'm going to Europe the day after tomorrow. Mostly Prague and Budapest.

I've reached a point, in the past few weeks and months, where I've realized I need to simplify my life a little. I need to choose better where I place my energies and focus more on the positive. I'm trying to communicate more, and more productively. And my career is not my entire identity, and in fact never has been.

It's all a process, right?

My Facebook status tomorrow is totally going to read, "Cannot cope; off to Europe." Because I can.
wishfulaces: (sock it to me)
Three day weekend! In which I am NOT traveling! (Except locally, probably, because I CAN'T STOP MYSELF apparently.)

My plans for the weekend:

--grocery store for foods to cook, though probably not this weekend because I need to be lazy, dammit (Okay, I lied, I cooked tonight, I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF)
--do a bit of house cleaning
--hand-wash some bras
--go to a friend's wedding

--FINISH THE DAMN FIC I OWE PEOPLE, that ud be awfully nice of me
--celebrate boy's bday and distract him as thoroughly as possible from stressful things
--sleeeeeeeeeeeep in (I woke up at 7:30 this morning, stared at my watch blearily and said to myself, "what is this nonsense?" before wandering back into bed to sleep till 10)
--watch Fred Astaire dance
--walk around the neighborhood a lot
--hopefully get to cemeteries to visit dead ancestors

I think I can reasonably do these things. I'm trying to make my list of things to get done more reasonable these days. I want to be happy, not stressed.

Right, I should go do one of these things now.
wishfulaces: (alas poor yorick)
I offer these two items in conjunction with each other, from the same city:

Kansas governor signs act allowing pharmacists to refuse to dispense abortion drugs

Nine-year-old protests Westboro Baptist protesters

I have no commentary to offer.


I had an insane schedule for a while there that involved being somewhere every single night after work and then again during the weekends, and now, even though I am done with that schedule at least until the fall (and am reminding myself I AM NOT ALLOWED THAT SCHEDULE EVER AGAIN), I am still stressed out and tired and cranky. So stressed out and tired and cranky. Hopefully I just need more time to recover. Maybe I need to take up a calming hobby. Like sleeping more, that would be good.
wishfulaces: (dance)
One of my choirs had their concert Monday night--HUZZAH--the other is having its concert this Saturday night--HUZZAH--and all this means that for a few months I will blessedly only be singing in one group. (I told my work minion the other day "Don't let me do all three choirs again in the fall, please. Remind me how crazed I was right now." We'll see if I hold myself to that.)

The concert Monday night was funny in a way--we were doing songs of the American composers, and the third to last song was a spiritual arranged by Moses Hogan. I always feel weird singing spirituals, especially when I'm in choirs that are almost entirely white, but apparently we did a good enough job that somebody in the audience was moved to holler during the song, which led the entire choir and the director to blink a lot and look around at each other in confusion because, dude, the audience doesn't interact with us while we're still singing! I kept laughing after the song was over during the wild applause, pure physical reaction to the unexpected emotion. It did make the last two songs of the concert much more fun for all of us, I have to say.

And last night I drove to a town an hour away to watch the dance troupe Pilobolus, and they strongly felt to me like they were coming out of a modern dance tradition (okay, a lot of their movements probably belonged to other traditions, but I recognized some of those moves from my own dance classes), and the group philosophy is about groups interacting and working together as individuals, and I could definitely see that. They were very definitely individuals, and it was a different feel from other dance troupes I've seen that worked much more--harmoniously? Cohesively? It was interesting, but I was usually not as emotionally moved as I am by movement--a bit like that a capella group I saw there last year, that sounded technically gorgeous but had no soul for me.
wishfulaces: (squee!)
I had big plans to track down the perfect poem for today (because you know this is National Poetry Month here in the U.S.), something dignified and reflective and fitting of my entering a new era in my life.

Yeah, that didn't happen.

So, since it is also apparently National Humor Month, Here, have a virtual cupcake instead. )

Maturity? Pah! That's for amateurs. Or something. If you'll excuse me, I have to go giggle somewhere now.
wishfulaces: (twins)
This weekend, sitting in Red Lobster with just a tiny portion of my extended family, my cousin K's girlfriend said, "I don't think I've been in a room with so many sarcastic people before," and we were all like, "This? You should see a proper family reunion," and sitting at that table that evening, with people I hadn't seen in a few years and only ever have seen every few years--this cemented why family is important to me. Because there is some throughline, some connection, deeper than constant and everyday contact; some pattern of behavior and thought and style that transcends and cuts through the morass to help us recognize each other. R. may still have no idea where I live or that my sister has left the Midwest; K. may not have known that we moved our aunt to assisted living; none of us may have known K. was dating or now a grandfather ye gods and little fishes, but we are still able to catch up and laugh and tease and be ourselves in some way that we can not with others.

So, despite the panic of taking my mother through airport security for the first time since 1995, despite going stir-crazy and feeling trapped in the hotel room yesterday afternoon when the elevator broke down and mom didn't feel comfortable leaving in case they couldn't fix it, despite my nephew being a typical ten-year-old boy yesterday and reminding me once again why I am so not ready to have kids, it was an excellent weekend.

Also, my brother has an adorable miniature poodle that charmed me so much it was all I could do not to put her in my luggage and take her home with me.
wishfulaces: (the light)
In the chaos of the past week of my life, I have been feeling anxious, sad, nervous...stuff, generally, and going through some kind of emotional thingywhatsit. But this morning I overcame my phone phobia to talk to [livejournal.com profile] jenlev for a little bit, and this afternoon/evening I'm going to drink wine and possibly look at art and catch up with a dear friend, and I've got a couple other friends I need to call this afternoon or tomorrow...

And I need to say thank you. Thank you for being in my life, even if I've only met you through online handles and the monitor screen; thank you for being you, and allowing some tiny part of your existence to intersect with mine. It's good to remember how much I appreciate--people.
wishfulaces: (ace in drag)
This morning, for possibly the first time ever in my life, I looked at myself in the mirror and said aloud, "God, I'm cute."

In other words, this shirt rocks.

(I'm sure it says something about me and the people I hang out with online that this Ace-in-drag icon by [livejournal.com profile] lyssie keeps being entirely appropriate for so many occasions. And the something it says is AWESOME.)
wishfulaces: (hobbit hands)
Last night my choir director was about to have us finish rehearsal by working on the "Estampie Natalis" piece, but then he said "Wait, I lied, we're not going to do that" (for the dozenth time at least during this rehearsal), and he stepped away from his music stand and leant against the pulpit--we rehearse in a church--and told us thank you for being in this choir, and thank you for helping this choir exist. Because it's a nonauditioned choir of mixed voices and talents and not every community has such a choir, and it's a time of year to think about such things for which we are thankful.

And so he had us mix again--tenors next to sopranos next to altos next to basses; we'd done a little of that earlier in the evening when struggling to stay in tune and on key--and we sang "The Gift" instead. And I had tears in my eyes because I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and because ten years ago this Thanksgiving my Uncle Buddy died, and this year has kinda been all about that mortality and grief and love that is such an essential part of life.

Back in June 2009, I wrote about things I love, and Thanksgiving that year I wrote about things for which I was grateful, and it all still holds true.

Tomorrow night I fly back to see my parents, who are still on dial-up, so happy turkey day, Americans; and happy week, everyone else; and thank you for being your awesome selves.


wishfulaces: (Default)

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